Braxigor’s and Jenny’s Emporium

Is that a customer? Jenny, it’s a customer! Quickly put a smile on your face, we need to look professional.
(You’re going to scare them away again.)
Nonsense! Welcome, Welcome to Braxigor’s and Jenny’s Magical Emporium. I am Braxigor, as you can see by my choice of clothing, I am an extraordinary gentleman and there is no need to panic. And please excuse my assistant here, her knowledge of manners and etiquette is severely lacking. (I’ll give you assistant you stupid lumbering fu…!)

Don’t worry about the horns or my immense strength, I assure you that unlike others of my kind I am utterly in control and not prone to outbursts of spontaneous rage and I haven’t torn any creature in half for more than a week. No don’t go to the exit, there is a lot to see her… (Don’t fall on your way out.)

*Bang*

(I told you you would scare them away.)

You need to get some proper dress Jenny, we need to work on our first impressions while we are in this city, the folk here are not used to people like us.

(Like it’s my fault you talk about tearing people in half)

I just got a brilliant idea Jenny, why don’t we lock the door after the next customer, so they can’t leave and we’ll show them how friendly we are .

(Yeah, that’ll surely make them a lot calmer)

I knew you would agree with me.

(*Audible Facepalm*, sure why not.)

Here goes another customer, and they look like an adventurer, this is our moment Jenny, this is it!

(If you say so.)

 *Creak*

Welcome my friend, Welcome to Braxigor’s and Jenny’s Magical Emporium. We have wares from all over the world, would you want to buy this exquisite medusa head for example?

(He doesn’t)

How do you know that Jenny? How do you know that?

(Because no one ever wants it, it’s useless, it doesn’t do anything, why would anyone want to buy a useless severed head?)

Decoration?

(I’m done with this, this is…*mumbling*)

Anyway, this head has a funny story behind it, after killing the medusa, Jenny and I were on the road adventuring, when we encountered some merchant and we decided to have a little bit of fun. Jenny then…Jenny…Haha…*Loud Laughing* Jenny tell the customer what you did.

(No!)

Come on Jenny tell them what you did.

(No one’s ever interested in your stories, look, even the newest customer is trying to get out.)

Oh…sorry about that, those doors sometimes get stuck, but I can at least finish the story until the locksmith comes.

Well then, I put the Medusa head on a spike and started waving it around from the bush and Jenny started shooting arrows at the merchant’s cart. I’ve never seen anyone running so fast…Haha.

We got out of the bush to tell the merchant that it was a joke of course, but he was nowhere to be seen, so we decided to take the cart and it’s stuff for safekeeping, wouldn’t want any bandits to take it. We of course left our shop’s business cart at the place so the merchant would know where to find us, but he never appeared.

(Might be because we moved since then.)

Silence Jenny!

So anyway friend, I see that our shop had gotten your curiosity, for I see that you are looking around with unconcealed readiness.

(They are looking for a way out!)

As you can see we have very wide assortment, I am ready to answer any questions if anything catches your attention.

(Don’t! you can’t stop him once he gets talking.)

Ohhh…A man of culture I see, I too would be interested in this specific item. No wonder that it caught your attention.

(They weren’t even looking at it.)

Now this bottle is not an ordinary bottle, and you can see that there is something sparking and swirling around. I don’t know how exactly it works, but I know that it can somehow produce winds and lightning and change the weather in some ways.

In fact, why don’t I show you, Jenny!

(No, no, no, no, no, absolutely not.)

*Thunder*

You see if you know what you are doing, you can take out the cork and then…

(*Audible pain* I will kill you you bloody co…)

That wasn’t supposed to happen, I wanted to create some wind, but I overdid it didn’t I.

(You are a dead man you stupid son of a…)

 Well then funny story, We got this bottle from some elven sailors on the high seas. They used it to make their ship really fast when we approached them in our little barque, I don’t know why, they probably wanted to race or something. Well anyway, they were so keen to get away from us that they hit a hidden reef and their ship split in half. We helped them of course and they were kind enough to give us all their remaining goods, including the bottle, but they didn’t tell us how it worked really. And once we gave them back to their families, they even gave us a handsome ransom…I mean reward for rescuing them. Those were the times.

Now I can see that you want to buy this. Oh don’t shake your head like that playing hard to get, I can see in your eyes that you won’t refuse this great deal, will you?

(You haven’t even told him the price idiot)

Right, right, we’ll settle on a price after your whole shopping is done. After all, shopping in bundles is always cheaper. So I’ll add this to your list and we can move to the next item.

Now my friend I would like to show you something truly remarkable, just come with me over there to that…
(Be careful you oaf! You almost made the bird fall down, and need I remind you what happened the last time the bird got out of its jar?)

But that customer really wanted to see the bird fly. And we should always try to appease our customers.

(All right, but you’ll be the one cleaning the blood if something goes wrong)

Of course Jenny, of course. But I know what I’m doing.

My friend, I originally wanted to show you something different first, but since I can see that this bird has sparked your interest, I shall tell you something about it first.

(Great idea, yeah he will certainly buy it after that! You are a genius.)

Now you wouldn’t believe it, but even though this specimen is all delicate and colourful and pretty, it comes from the Yugoth Swamp. How does it survive in such a hostile environment you ask? Well why don’t I show you. Just put these very affordable magical earmuffs to stop the effect and I will…

(Don’t you dare, don’t you bloody dare you…you…)

*Clank*

*Bird Singing*

Now you can see, Jenny is not behaving like her usual self once the bird had been released

(I can taste all the pretty colours. The world is a sooo wonderful…ta-da-da-dee-da.)

From my own experience I can tell you that the bird’s song puts you into a psychotic trance of sorts, a very vivid one I might add. It’s quite an interesting experience I would recommend you to try, but well…the bird usually uses this opportunity to drain the victim of its blood; speaking of which…

(Look Braxi, I found a friend. Look how it’s caressing my neck.)

Yeah…we will sort that out later. First I need to tell you a funny story concerning this specific bird. There was this one elven noble who was very interested in exotic animals and he paid us a good sum each time we brought him something he hadn’t seen.

Well we brought this pretty bird to him, and he scorned us for our handling of such a beautiful creature, because we put it under a soundproof lid. He insisted that he wanted to hear the bird sing.

I am someone who always wishes to fulfil all customer’s wishes, so I naturally said nothing against it and we made our way out.

(My friend has given me a red scarf. I must look beautiful. How Maaarvelous.)

We returned a month later with yet another haul and wouldn’t you know it, the customer realized his as of yet unknown talent in artistry and went missing after painting his mansion pink and saying he needed to find himself. 

As fate would have it, the guards around the mansion disappeared as well, either due to unknown circumstances, or because they found newfound joy in the world. The only remaining servant in the mansion was a deaf old majordomo who was just packing his things, saying that some curse befell the building. We of course thought that since nobody lived here anymore, we might just take a few things with us before any looters found their way here, and we took this little fella back with us as well. He served us well during our escapades, but it’s about time it finds a new home.

Oh…be careful not to slip on the blood, how shameful to have such a safety hazard in our shop, I will clean it in a bit. Now to end this demonstration, I will need some pliers…oh, here they are. Now Jenny, would you mind standing still for a bit.

(I’m standing still Braxi, It’s the floor that keeps moving.)

Of course.

*Blood splattering*

Now back into the cage with you little fella.

 Now that that’s settled, I will add the bird, the earmuffs and the soundproof cage to your shopping list, what say you?

Silence is golden, and since gold is what is needed here, I take it as a definitive yes.

Jenny should be her usual self in just a minute, I might just get rid of the blood before that happens. Why don’t you look around for a bit? Oh and don’t try to open the doors, I’m sure you would like to help us with them, but if me and Jenny weren’t able to open them, no one but the best of locksmiths can.

Well, perhaps there could be one thing that could open them, you might as well buy it to try yourself. I will show you where it is, the blood is not as important as customer’s happiness. So come with me please, I’m sure this might interest you.

(Where am I? What happened? Why is there blood on the floor? Why am I blee…)

*Silence*

(BRAXIGOR!!!)

Now as far as doors are concerned, I believe that when one door closes, another one opens. So naturally if you have something that can obliterate doors, there are twice as many options to choose from. That’s Why I would like to show you this thing here…

(You ignorant cow! How many times do I have to tell you not to do practical demonstrations without warning me, especially when I am the bloody target… I will shove this broom up…)
Calm down Jenny, I will get rid of the blood in a moment. And thank you for the marvellous demonstration, we wouldn’t have sold the bird without it.

(They bought it?)

Indeed they have…Haven’t they!?

(It’s finally gone? I never believed we could get rid of that worthless bird. Give me 70% of the sale and clean the blood and we’ll call it even)

Now where was I…Oh yes… Feast your eyes on this astonishing tool I call: The Door-breaker

(I applaud your unrivalled creativity my troll-brained oxen. Though I preferred when you called it the “The Boom Weapon” when the last customer was here. Not to forget my favourite: “The Big Spike Shooter Mace.” that one was classy.)

Silence Jenny! But before we get into the haggling part, let me give you an appetizer in the form of a story that happened to us with this thing.
It got in our hands after some very charming bounty hunter accidentally set it off against us and nicely gave it to us as a compensation for trouble. We quickly found out that it can shoot spikes and does quite the booming effect when you swing it, but unfortunately the bounty hunter did not have a manual on her and we didn’t know whether it could do anything else. Which led to the “Great Misunderstanding” that got us banished (labelled as dangerous criminals) from the Old Eastern Empire a few years ago . We were feasting our eyes on the fabled beauty of the Perrovian city bank, and we wanted to see its architecture from within as well; but dazzled by the phenomenal beauty we saw there, we somehow got lost in the long winded halls of the place and found ourselves in the vaults. And as fate would have it, it was there that we accidentally discovered the last usage of the weapon. It can destroy practically any doors or containers, and let’s say that it is hard to explain yourself to the guards when you are standing next to a demolished vault door, one that is well known for its sturdiness and security. A wild chase ensued and we managed to escape the guards that were ignorant of our alibi. After that we decided that if the Old Empire does not appreciate us, then we won’t return there again, for a few years at least, after the thing is forgotten.
(I would also like to add that normally if  you don’t get caught, it’s hard to be labelled a criminal, since the authorities have no idea who you are. However we are obviously not that hard to identify, and the fact that a certain “someone” gave our business card to about everyone we met there didn’t help matters, especially since we both are shown there…with names…and with the current location of our shop… you get the idea.)
And that’s why we no longer give our business card to anyone but our most trusted customers.  

(Which means anyone who comes into this shop, you can’t escape it as well)
So as fate would have it, you need a door opened, and we have something that is very good at opening doors.

(And I’ve heard that the locksmith is gone for the week)
Ah… you want to buy it… splendid; I will add it to your list.
Would you like to buy anything else or…
I see, that’s all you want for now, I will just package it and we can say farewell to each other.

(A relief I imagine.)

But as with everything in our store, we are legally obliged to do a proper demonstration to show you how our wares work before giving them to you.

(As you can see, we take the safety of our customers and employees very seriously.)

So let me show you how this works; Jenny! fetch me a locked chest from the back.

(Anything to keep the safety regulations.)

Now look at this locked chest, it is locked thoroughly and can’t be opened in any ordinary way.

(Lockpicks aren’t that extraordinary.)

It’s an entirely normal chest, I had not been tampered with in any way, and it is of strong wood. See for yourself if you would like.

(Our shop doesn’t always work like a magicians’s show.)

Now I just take this magical mace tool, and I gently touch the locked container

*Cracking of wood*

*Boom*

*Splinters everywhere*

(Something got in my eye….It hurts….aargh!…I should get goggles.)
As you can see, the chest is now permanently and utterly opened. I also should mention that this can only be done once a day, but why would someone need to unlock a stuck door more than once a day.

(Hmmmmm…….I could think of someone)

*Thespian Silence*
Oh what a fool I am, you probably wanted to use it to get out? Well you will have to stay here for a little bit longer it seems.

(What a shame.)

Well we can at least show you some more interesting things here. Come with me please, we have just begun. Would you like our business card by the way?…

Ghostbark Mask

Since you bought our lovely little bird we had here, I assume that you are a collector of things that come from the Yuggoth swamp.

(I don’t think they…)

So it’s only natural that you would like to look at other spooky things from that exciting place.

(The “literally everything tries to kill you” type of exciting)

And so I would like to show you a little gem of mine that we had found there among the strange lovely denizens of that land.

So this beautifully carved piece of glowing bark is one of the masks that was worn by some of the people there, I first thought that they were some kind of tree people, because their skin was of the same substance as the mask. But when one of them fell over and broke his neck as he was so anxious to welcome us in his swamp, the thing fell from his face and we could see that we were mistaken.

(Careful there Braxigor, if I hear the words “practical” or “demonstration” in the next sentence I’m shooting a crossbow bolt in your fuc…)

No need to get angry there Jenny, why would I do a practical demonstration…

*Crossbow Clang*

Now that was uncalled for, you know how much effort it is to file those horns.

(I warned you.)

As I was saying, I wouldn’t do a practical demonstration with Jenny here, because this mask is truly hard to remove, and judging by what the locals told us, it can have some severe mental side effects.

(A thought of reason from Mr. Ox here, unbelievable)

That’s why I am going to do this demonstration on myself.

*Facepalm*

(I should have seen that coming)

Now as you can see, my skin has turned into this very dense bark that is quite comfortable, warm and protective. Oh any by the way I can see ghosts of recently dead people. It looks however that it is malfunctioning a little bit now, because I’m quite certain that that fellow there died at least three months ago. And she is gone, probably some kind of quick after-image, nothing to worry about. The thing that caused this accident has been fixed for a while now.

(Was that the one with those magical magnifying lenses?)

Yes, they were more potent that I had thought, we had to add these light-blocking curtains into the shop since then.

(Don’t tell me, I had to sweep the ash for days)

But anyway, speaking with ghosts is quite neat, you can even draw some power from them, but I’ve heard that doing so is bad for business.

(Every demon will tell you that souls are addictive, why would one want to be addicted to souls when there are more fun substances.)

I think that is all about this mask, did I forget anything Jenny?

(Nope, nothing at all, no need to…)

How could I forget the best part?!

(And here he goes again.)

You need to hear the rest of the story!

So we were in the midst of the Yuggoth swamp and as I’ve already said, we encountered these folk that had worn these masks, and one of them got into our possession due to an unfortunate failure of the heart.
(Earlier you said he fell and broke his neck)
Well…he had the heart attack, causing him to fall and break his neck, a truly unfortunate set of accidents.

(Right…)

And I decided that I shall try this mask on as well, to see what it does. To my surprise I saw the ghost of the unfortunate man and I began to ask him what led him to greet us in such a ferocious manner.
He told me that he and his kin had been cursed by some creature deeper in the forest. A creature that collected souls of mortals and traded them with others, or simply stored them for further use. He said that this creature’s hexes were behind these masks and behind the corruption of parts of the swamp and its inhabitants.

I thanked the ghost and shaked his hand to show my appreciation for his final moments, but doing this caused him to disappear, that’s where I had realized that I shouldn’t probably interfere with the personal space of ghosts.

Jenny and I were intrigued with this soul collector and we had decided to pay them a visit. And in hindsight, it was a very profitable endeavour, because the mask isn’t the only thing we got from that journey.

Come with me please and I will continue on with the story.

Now let me tell you that traversing through a deep and dangerous bog is a phenomenal affair for a traveller of acquired tastes, who finds only boredom in the commonness of mouldy caves and ruins.

(Indeed, especially treacherous bogs with unending supply of mosquitos, soul harvesting creatures, carnivorous animals, carnivorous plants, carnivorous mushrooms, and more poisonous food than in a usual kobold tavern.)

Anyway, we were strolling through this beautiful garden of life, following the ghastly corruption that was supposed to be emanating from the strange mask-making creature…and well…
Long story short, we found them quite quickly. I know that this story seems a little bit lacking, but unfortunately this endeavour was merely profitable, but hardly exciting.
The soul collector was a nice little fellow, very courteous, and he was a joy to deal with.

(Yeah, why don’t you go on with the story, I think the customer needs a little bit of context as to why the bog-creature was such a swell person…ish thing.)

Well we met him by accident really, I fell into the bog and suddenly I feel something tugging my leg and dragging me a little bit deeper.
I suspected that someone must have fallen there just before me, and I dragged him out of the dirty water and unto the shore.
He must have been in an incredible shocked, for he grabbed me by the neck once we got out and wouldn’t let go. I smacked a little bit of sense into him to wake him up and everything was in order.

(I hope you are beginning to understand how courteous the bog-creature was, if not then…enjoy this very wholesome story, there’s no point saving you anyway)

After the misunderstanding was over the bog-man was so overjoyed with our company that he started shaking my hand intensely, mumbling some weird things while doing that.
Something must have fallen into his eyes though, because they turned milky white in an instant, and he suddenly started panicking a little.

(Braxigor has something called a talisman of spell turning, let that sink in…)

And suddenly the Bog-man was kneeling before us, with arms raised, and begging us to take his possessions, we obliged to help the poor creature with its material suffering of course and decided to do just that. By the way he was pleading, he must had been really desperate to give that stuff away.

(Well I think the bruising he got along the way also helped.)

And such was our boring bargain with the creature of the bog.

(He was called Dr. Mráček btw… just wanted to share it because I found it funny) We were told that it would be a horrible soul stealing abomination, a cunning and mischievous mastermind who would try to kill us and torment us for eternity, but it was just some poor creature who wanted to get rid of its very special teapot collection, let me show it to you, I’m sure you will find them very purchasable indeed.

So dearest customer of ours, this is the treasure that has been so joyfully given to our possession and which we now offer to you. Behold the magical teapots…

(I think we should elaborate a little bit here.)

And I was just getting to the most exciting part, they can also hold the souls of dead people, now isn’t that just the most amazing thing.

(As long as you don’t mind the talking and clanking, they never do shut up.)

And if you fancy yourself a warm cup of tea, it’s interesting that each soul adds a little bit of a different flavour to it.

(It’s a little bit macabre, but you get used to it quite quickly, it’s not like that soul has a body anymore, so you’re practically doing it a favour. And if not… well take a sip of the tea and I think these thoughts will vanish right away)

Our teapots are of course filled with only the most quality souls you can find on the market. We wouldn’t offer you some backwater scoundrel scallywag to assault your delicate tongue post-mortem. Our souls hold class

(Unless you count the halfling jesters, but their voices are so funny, we have to keep those, I’m not parting with my halflings)

Jenny, we are businessmen, our customer’s interests come before our own.

(Since when?)

I will find you some other halfling souls, funnier than the last

(It wouldn’t be the same.)

You are making a scene in front of the customer, that is highly unprofessional of you Jenny.

(That customer is clearly a very intelligent person and wouldn’t buy some dusty old teapots that have some stupid souls of some utterly boring and stupid people)

Jenny!

(Now why don’t you oh magnanimous customer walk with me to find something more suitable of your oh so fancy status, which you undoubtedly have, and which would look much better OUTSIDE OF THIS SHOP!)

But did you know that one of these teapots contains the soul of a dragon. True it doesn’t talk much, but the tea that it makes can make you LITERALLY BREATH FIRE!)

(…Horrible heartburn, worse than drinking bad alcohol. I would swear the tea has scales floating in it. And the soul is just cranky, only roars and makes the worst clanking sound even with the lid. Just horrible)

And what about the one with the frost giant? It gives you muscles and the guy is just a treat to talk to. Who doesn’t want muscles?

(Brain freeze all day long is what you get. Painful migraines. And the giant is more dense than Braxigor here, and that’s saying something)

Jenny, we can’t leave without a demonstration, the customer can’t decide without a demonstration. I will drink the weird brainy one and we can show the customer that it can hypnotize. Jenny come back!

*Braxigor’s voice fading in the distance*

(All right, It’s just the two of us now, so let me be straight, because we can make a mutually favourable deal. You ain’t getting out without buying more things, and there are some items here that…well…let’s just say that if I have to do one more demonstration with those then I may do a little demonstration of my own, one involving daggers, lots of daggers.
So let’s make it like this: I’ll show you some that aren’t completely useless, I will tell you the important stuff and You’ll tell Braxigor you want to buy these thingies, he will start talking, and I will give you a little bit of a under-the-table discount while he is distracted, capische?)
(Oh and if he suggests a demonstration, you tell him that none is needed…wait…let me rephrase: you will insist that none is needed, otherwise our doors might be stuck for little while longer.)

(So this old ugly thing has been lying in our store for a very long time, courtesy of my scavenger of a partner who doesn’t ever skip a chance to talk about how he used to wear one of these idiotic self-torturous contraptions in his youth.
You see minotaurs have this thing where they get all stupid and angry during a fight and they can ignore pain and lost blood, they call it bloodlust.
Well and this unpolished piece of scrap metal is adorned with spikes. You may remark that you don’t notice any, and that’s because that absolute prodigy of a minotaur who designed it had the masterstroke of an idea to put them on the inside of the armour.

So the idea is, that if something is literally stabbing your guts all the time, it’s much easier to get furious.
The inventor at least had enough sense to put these spikes on not too inconvenient parts of the body, so it won’t hinder you in combat or anything, and it won’t make you bleed out.

Now I wouldn’t have problem with this thing if Braxigor wanted to wear it, but he swore off this addiction to rage, and he tries not to ever get controlled by it again, and that’s why it’s gathering dust here in this corner of the shop.
And now from your experience, imagine what would happen if a customer were to walk in and take as much as a fleeting glance at this… I’m sure you are clever enough to not require further clarification. And guess who has to do the demonstrations.

So if you want to get out of here, I am “strongly advising” you to take a look at this armour.

Ah, here you are. I’ve been searching for you in the entire shop. Had to calm down the souls in the teapots first, they were very upset about not getting bought.

(Hey Braxigor, our customer here seemed very interested about this glorious armour for true warriors, why don’t you tell her some story about it while I handle the financing with them)

Incredible. Jenny I am so proud of you, your marketing skills are finally starting to shine. I knew you would eventually be able to come out of that shell and embrace the needs and wants of our customers.

(What can I say, my door is always open when it comes to business)

*Proud minotaur sob*

But back to our customer. You truly have an eye for valuable pieces, because this armour is very rarely seen outside of minotaur lands. Worn by the strongest of my kind’s warriors and generally very safeguarded by the original owners. This one used to be mine when I was still young, given to me after slaying my first “Ghost of the Steppes.” It’s quite a funny story actually, because killing the beast wasn’t really my goal.

It was many many years ago and I was still a part of a minotaur tribe and I … courted a certain other minotaur.

(I don’t like where this is going)

I noticed that she often went somewhere into the wilderness before sunset, and I thought that that time would be the perfect opportunity to show my affection to her, only I didn’t know where exactly she was always going. I prepared my best hides and my gifts and prepared myself for my confession of devotion. I missed her departure, but I noticed her tracks in the ground, and I thought I could maybe catch her by tracking. Unfortunately it was quite dark already and the tracks were harder to discern. But eventually they led me to a small secluded spring. So I immediately went to the conclusion that it was a bath she was taking, and I… tried to…inspect whether she was in any danger.

(A peeping Tom is what you were you oxen pig)

Well Anyway I didn’t see her there, so I panicked and I tried to look around whether she was unharmed and safe. As it turns out, I may have mistaken a few of the crossing tracks on the way, and found myself instead in the nest of a “Ghost of the Steppes”. But before we continue…I should probably describe them to you.  

So these Ghosts of the Steppes I’ve told you about, they are a marvel to behold. A head of a mighty lizard full of venomous sharp teeth. The strong muscled body of a skilled and agile predator, and a fearsome girthy tail pulsating with raw untamed magical energy. I have trouble talking about them without getting really…really excited.

(We didn’t have to know that.)

But no matter how absolutely awesome they are, you usually don’t want to brawl with them without a proper weapon and equipment, and all I had was my best looking hide and a small hatchet.
My personal situation however offered both a significant advantage, and a potentially fatal disadvantage: I apparently stumbled into a contested territory between two mature Ghosts who were just settling their disputes.
I hid behind a boulder to watch such a marvellous battle, and I have to admit even now that seeing the raw power of the two fighting ghosts is something that overjoyed my inner minotaur. I suppose that leaving the place should have perhaps crossed my mind, but one couldn’t turn away from the magnificent spectacle.

(Yes, because gawking at two killing machines while they don’t pay attention to you is the most sensible thing to do)

It was a battle of both raw physical power and of outbursts of magical energy and colourful fireworks of spells brightening the now moonlit sky. But eventually one ghost triumphed over the other in a phenomenal display of peak predatory performance and let out a victorious roar.
I was so caught up in the moment that I somehow might have forgotten to stay completely hidden, and the keen ghost saw me.

(I never thought I would say that, but it seems you are the picture of wisdom when compared to your younger self)

It’s true that I was a little more…reckless in my younger years, but back to the story:
A mighty battle ensued, a true test of mettle and strength. A colossal fight between two legendary combatants facing themselves in a conflict that would be very evenly matched, were it not for my wits that gave me the edge.

(I remember you told me a very different story last time.)

I most certainly didn’t, this is how it was… more or less.

(Truly? Don’t you perchance remember the time you got questioned in that zone of truth in that old temple a while back)

I remember that I had said exactly what I am saying now.

(But you forgot the best part, the juicy details of this “fight of the century”)

I seem to remember it differently than you.

(Well my memory is as good as new, so let me tell you what happened:
The ghost cast a powerful spell at Braxigor, it missed, it hit a tree instead, the tree fell…on the ghost…the ghost died instantly. Did I forget anything?)

You didn’t have to put it like that. And standing in front of the tree was a deliberate strategy. If the ghost were to appear here now, it would admit that I defeated if fairly and skilfully.
(But if my mind serves right, you also forgot to tell all that to the minotaur hunting party that had been tracking that ghost for days and that arrived a few moments after. And you also forgot to tell them that you found yourself there because of a very different prey, which you failed to track.)

They didn’t ask, I didn’t want to worsen their day.

(Uh-huh.)

So that concludes the story, now that you know what I had to achieve to receive this armour I assume that you are very interested in buying it. But we should first do a practical demo…

(Oh, what a shame, I have already sold the armour. The customer was so enthusiastic about it they didn’t even need the demonstration. But these things happen it seems.)

But we can still…

(And let’s look at some other things right, I’m sure we can find something in here that will spark your interest just like this armour did, perhaps it might even “unlock” some doors for you.)