Sightly Rhymester

So now I was being threatened by a levitating mass of eyeballs. A levitating mass of eyeballs with waxed moustache and a cook’s hat I might add. “Before we discuss the matter of you killing us further, I have one question…What exactly are you?” It was a simple question, yet the eyeball backed away and gasped as if it was the fiercest of counter-attacks. “Is this a joke? Is this a test? how could you not know ’tis surely a jest.” Why was he rhyming, I’ve heard of his kind and they were always depicted as megalomaniacal paranoid monsters. True this one didn’t seem so different in these regards, but they weren’t supposed to make rhymes and wear hats and moustaches. I wanted to say something, but as he finished his rhymed question, a grimace of realization dawned on his face and he immediately continued: “Oh…I understand now you sneaky silly sly seal, a signature you seek, an autograph you want from me to steal.” I had no idea what he was talking about, but it seemed to brighten his mood and ego and postponed his judgement regarding our deaths. I would say something to improve our chances of survival, but the creature was doing all the work by himself: “I can’t stay mad at a fan. After all, who can they are more fabulous than I; no one can! Oh my dear little darling, of course I will give you an autograph with that smile of yours most charming.” I was not smiling, I was still lying on the ground with a dumbfounded expression on my face. But that didn’t bother the beholder who produced a levitating pamphlet, an ink bottle and a quill and he telekinetically signed the pamphlet and put it into my hand. Whilst he was doing that I also noticed a movement in my peripheral vision, I looked and I saw Squeakly who was frantically dancing some form of a very energetic kozachok dance. He had a terrified and exhausted look on his face, as if he was not in control of what he was doing, and after taking our situation account, I assumed that was very likely the case. I laughed out loud, as while Squeakly seemed to be in great anguish, he didn’t skip a beat with his moves. It was so surreal and bizarre, and I needed some good laughter after these few taxing weeks. My laughter didn’t go unnoticed by the beholder (Who signed himself as “The Maestro” on the pamphlet, so that’s what I am going to be using from now on) “Ah, yes, your friend here wasn’t as charming as you are, he tried to lie to me, a notion most bizarre. needless to say he didn’t get far. But he proved himself to be rather amusing. I know…I know I shouldn’t my wondrous powers be abusing, but he interrupted my session of musing. Which leads me to the affair most confusing. I understand your metaphorical hunger for my brilliance and your fan-like resilience. But not your literal hunger for my delicious bread, that thievery did leave me very mad. So, what do you have to say for yourself thief, for without a good reason your basking in my glory shall be brief indeed.” And here we go again, another idiot trying to be intimidating and telling me that I will die, unless I do something that will change their minds. This creature was so ego-tripping that tricking him somehow would be so bloody easy, but I was not going to. I was pissed and I wanted to let this huge eyeball know that: “I’ve had enough of death threats for a lifetime. Everyone here in this world thinks that they can just say ‘I will shank ya’ and get away with that. Now let me tell ya somefing mate, this is a sign of a very bad societal system and I’ve just had enough of that. If I hear one more death threat, I will stab ye in one of your stupid eyes you overgrown meatball. I might ‘ave eaten your bloody breakfast, and by the way it was bloody delicious mate, but I’ve been dragged ‘ere without me bloody consent and I was forced to do these bloody things and I will not be threatened by some floating cataract. So kill me if you want, I don’t care. Just get on with it you ugly geezer or I’ll gnaw off your eyestalks mate.” I needed to vent, and I realized soon that this wasn’t the best of ideas. But the “Maestro” didn’t seem mad, he seemed almost… in awe. He was blissfully chuckling, and I didn’t know what to think of that. Unfortunately I still had some pent up anger in me and I said: “You ‘avin a giggle there mate, I’ll bash your head in you twat, unless you stop…” I tried to continue, but he started speaking with the strong voice of his before I finished my sentence. “I underestimated you my lady fair, your way with words and your insults most rare. A good insult is a wonder to behold and to use them against me, that is an act most bold.” I didn’t know what to say, I’ve never been complimented on my insults and even less on my boldness. It kind of made me feel good about myself. Perhaps this geezer wasn’t so bad after all. “I also from this take that you are on a glorious quest?” I confusedly nodded “Well then that is the end of my rest, As you surely need a poet to tell your tale and I…I am the best. I shall accompany you on your journey. Document your every fight: be it against dragons, demons, or an evil attorney. Let us set sails, create epic tales, adventure Awaaaaaaits!” Ok… I didn’t expect that, neither the singing nor the words. He was eager I had to give him that, but I was not sure whether I wanted such a companion, so I asked: “I…” I managed one vowel before he interrupted me again with his stupid rhymes. “I know it must be so much to bear, to travel with such a star, don’t worry, I am aware. I won’t take all the glory I promise, the spotlight shall be yours. In that take solace. I will not let my brilliance outshine you, well maybe a little, after all praise should be given where it is due.” I think you see as well that arguing would be pointless, so I accepted without a word. What a merry trio we now were. A human scoundrel, a talking ratty doctor, and a rhyming egotistical beholder. I still needed to interrogate the Maestro about this land and whether he knew of any way home, but first there was one other things that needed to be finished: “Maestro, before we continue on our “epic quest”, would you be so kind as to free Squeakly from his dancing curse. I think he has had enough.”

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