Bottled Thunderstorm

Is that a customer? Jenny, it’s a customer! Quickly put a smile on your face, we need to look professional.
(You’re going to scare them away again.)
Nonsense! Welcome, Welcome to Braxigor’s and Jenny’s Magical Emporium. I am Braxigor, as you can see by my choice of clothing, I am an extraordinary gentleman and there is no need to panic. And please excuse my assistant here, her knowledge of manners and etiquette is severely lacking. (I’ll give you assistant you stupid lumbering fu…!)

Don’t worry about the horns or my immense strength, I assure you that unlike others of my kind I am utterly in control and not prone to outbursts of spontaneous rage and I haven’t torn any creature in half for more than a week. No don’t go to the exit, there is a lot to see her… (Don’t fall on your way out.)


(I told you you would scare them away.)

You need to get some proper dress Jenny, we need to work on our first impressions while we are in this city, the folk here are not used to people like us.

(Like it’s my fault you talk about tearing people in half)

I just got a brilliant idea Jenny, why don’t we lock the door after the next customer, so they can’t leave and we’ll show them how friendly we are .

(Yeah, that’ll surely make them a lot calmer)

I knew you would agree with me.

(*Audible Facepalm*, sure why not.)

Here goes another customer, and they look like an adventurer, this is our moment Jenny, this is it!

(If you say so.)


Welcome my friend, Welcome to Braxigor’s and Jenny’s Magical Emporium. We have wares from all over the world, would you want to buy this exquisite medusa head for example?

(He doesn’t)

How do you know that Jenny? How do you know that?

(Because no one ever wants it, it’s useless, it doesn’t do anything, why would anyone want to buy a useless severed head?)


(I’m done with this, this is…*mumbling*)

Anyway, this head has a funny story behind it, after killing the medusa, Jenny and I were on the road adventuring, when we encountered some merchant and we decided to have a little bit of fun. Jenny then…Jenny…Haha…*Loud Laughing* Jenny tell the customer what you did.


Come on Jenny tell them what you did.

(No one’s ever interested in your stories, look, even the newest customer is trying to get out.)

Oh…sorry about that, those doors sometimes get stuck, but I can at least finish the story until the locksmith comes.

Well then, I put the Medusa head on a spike and started waving it around from the bush and Jenny started shooting arrows at the merchant’s cart. I’ve never seen anyone running so fast…Haha.

We got out of the bush to tell the merchant that it was a joke of course, but he was nowhere to be seen, so we decided to take the cart and it’s stuff for safekeeping, wouldn’t want any bandits to take it. We of course left our shop’s business cart at the place so the merchant would know where to find us, but he never appeared.

(Might be because we moved since then.)

Silence Jenny!

So anyway friend, I see that our shop had gotten your curiosity, for I see that you are looking around with unconcealed readiness.

(They are looking for a way out!)

As you can see we have very wide assortment, I am ready to answer any questions if anything catches your attention.

(Don’t! you can’t stop him once he gets talking.)

Ohhh…A man of culture I see, I too would be interested in this specific item. No wonder that it caught your attention.

(They weren’t even looking at it.)

Now this bottle is not an ordinary bottle, and you can see that there is something sparking and swirling around. I don’t know how exactly it works, but I know that it can somehow produce winds and lightning and change the weather in some ways.

In fact, why don’t I show you, Jenny!

(No, no, no, no, no, absolutely not.)


You see if you know what you are doing, you can take out the cork and then…

(*Audible pain* I will kill you you bloody co…)

That wasn’t supposed to happen, I wanted to create some wind, but I overdid it didn’t I.

(You are a dead man you stupid son of a…)

 Well then funny story, We got this bottle from some elven sailors on the high seas. They used it to make their ship really fast when we approached them in our little barque, I don’t know why, they probably wanted to race or something. Well anyway, they were so keen to get away from us that they hit a hidden reef and their ship split in half. We helped them of course and they were kind enough to give us all their remaining goods, including the bottle, but they didn’t tell us how it worked really. And once we gave them back to their families, they even gave us a handsome ransom…I mean reward for rescuing them. Those were the times.

Now I can see that you want to buy this. Oh don’t shake your head like that playing hard to get, I can see in your eyes that you won’t refuse this great deal, will you?

(You haven’t even told him the price idiot)

Right, right, we’ll settle on a price after your whole shopping is done. After all, shopping in bundles is always cheaper. So I’ll add this to your list and we can move to the next item.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *