Now as far as doors are concerned, I believe that when one door closes, another one opens. So naturally if you have something that can obliterate doors, there are twice as many options to choose from. That’s Why I would like to show you this thing here…
(You ignorant cow! How many times do I have to tell you not to do practical demonstrations without warning me, especially when I am the bloody target… I will shove this broom up…)
Calm down Jenny, I will get rid of the blood in a moment. And thank you for the marvellous demonstration, we wouldn’t have sold the bird without it.
(They bought it?)
Indeed they have…Haven’t they!?
(It’s finally gone? I never believed we could get rid of that worthless bird. Give me 70% of the sale and clean the blood and we’ll call it even)
Now where was I…Oh yes… Feast your eyes on this astonishing tool I call: The Door-breaker
(I applaud your unrivalled creativity my troll-brained oxen. Though I preferred when you called it the “The Boom Weapon” when the last customer was here. Not to forget my favourite: “The Big Spike Shooter Mace.” that one was classy.)
Silence Jenny! But before we get into the haggling part, let me give you an appetizer in the form of a story that happened to us with this thing.
It got in our hands after some very charming bounty hunter accidentally set it off against us and nicely gave it to us as a compensation for trouble. We quickly found out that it can shoot spikes and does quite the booming effect when you swing it, but unfortunately the bounty hunter did not have a manual on her and we didn’t know whether it could do anything else. Which led to the “Great Misunderstanding” that got us banished (labelled as dangerous criminals) from the Old Eastern Empire a few years ago . We were feasting our eyes on the fabled beauty of the Perrovian city bank, and we wanted to see its architecture from within as well; but dazzled by the phenomenal beauty we saw there, we somehow got lost in the long winded halls of the place and found ourselves in the vaults. And as fate would have it, it was there that we accidentally discovered the last usage of the weapon. It can destroy practically any doors or containers, and let’s say that it is hard to explain yourself to the guards when you are standing next to a demolished vault door, one that is well known for its sturdiness and security. A wild chase ensued and we managed to escape the guards that were ignorant of our alibi. After that we decided that if the Old Empire does not appreciate us, then we won’t return there again, for a few years at least, after the thing is forgotten.
(I would also like to add that normally if you don’t get caught, it’s hard to be labelled a criminal, since the authorities have no idea who you are. However we are obviously not that hard to identify, and the fact that a certain “someone” gave our business card to about everyone we met there didn’t help matters, especially since we both are shown there…with names…and with the current location of our shop… you get the idea.)
And that’s why we no longer give our business card to anyone but our most trusted customers.
(Which means anyone who comes into this shop, you can’t escape it as well)
So as fate would have it, you need a door opened, and we have something that is very good at opening doors.
(And I’ve heard that the locksmith is gone for the week)
Ah… you want to buy it… splendid; I will add it to your list.
Would you like to buy anything else or…
I see, that’s all you want for now, I will just package it and we can say farewell to each other.
(A relief I imagine.)
But as with everything in our store, we are legally obliged to do a proper demonstration to show you how our wares work before giving them to you.
(As you can see, we take the safety of our customers and employees very seriously.)
So let me show you how this works; Jenny! fetch me a locked chest from the back.
(Anything to keep the safety regulations.)
Now look at this locked chest, it is locked thoroughly and can’t be opened in any ordinary way.
(Lockpicks aren’t that extraordinary.)
It’s an entirely normal chest, I had not been tampered with in any way, and it is of strong wood. See for yourself if you would like.
(Our shop doesn’t always work like a magicians’s show.)
Now I just take this magical mace tool, and I gently touch the locked container
*Cracking of wood*
(Something got in my eye….It hurts….aargh!…I should get goggles.)
As you can see, the chest is now permanently and utterly opened. I also should mention that this can only be done once a day, but why would someone need to unlock a stuck door more than once a day.
(Hmmmmm…….I could think of someone)
Oh what a fool I am, you probably wanted to use it to get out? Well you will have to stay here for a little bit longer it seems.
(What a shame.)
Well we can at least show you some more interesting things here. Come with me please, we have just begun. Would you like our business card by the way?…