Boon of Tetanus

Quiet! Quiet! What’s all this ruckus about. Haven’t I told ye enough. All of these supreme tales from an exquisite storyteller and still you complain. What!? What are you on about, spit it out! Ohhhh….I see; you think that from a spiel about Captain Greenlump, you’ve heard very little about Captain Greenlump. Well I didn’t want to take much from the mystery he so cherishes about his being, and after all I think that the tales of loyalty and motivation he inspires are more than enough to make a picture of this dastardly pirate. But if you insist… All right then, I will tell you of the dire events that led us to where we are now, to this very tavern, to this very recruitment.
You see, the last few months have been rough, bringing only misfortune and despair to our ranks, we were the lords of the Sea of Joy, we were getting richer and richer, but with our fortune grew our gluttony. We became too reckless, too unafraid, too pompous. We were no longer a nuisance too troublesome to eradicate, we became a thorn. A thorn that needed to be taken out, and many of the powers we had wronged decided to make our lives a living hell. Every trade ship could be a trap to catch us in, every fence a traitor to sell us for the highest bargain, every safe port a lair of our enemies. Our losses became dire, every operation a hair away from disaster. Many crewmembers died or went into hiding in these days, and our future was uncertain.
Then came the fateful day. We returned to one of our hideouts on a small remote jungle island, unaware that its location had been discovered by our foes. We were careless and defenceless and our enemies were ready to put us to an end in one single strike. Things went bed, but they could have gone much worse if it weren’t for our captain. Whilst the evening was still uneventful, captain was brooding in his rocking chair with a concerned look. He then told me and a few others to go check up on Flotsam with him, because he thought there was something wrong going on. We were told to be careful and sneaky as we traversed the jungle towards the beach, I didn’t understand the need for that, until we caught the first glimpse of our ship. We were not the first to reach her. Tall humanoid figures were trespassing on our ship, obviously waiting for something. It was then that we heard a loud explosion from the direction of our hideout.
Cap’n said that he knew this day would come and that he has prepared for it. There was a hidden cove nearby in which he had a small ship no one but him knew about, ready to set sail. “What of the others!?” I ask him, but he told me that we would only seal their fate if we joined the battle.
According to his information, Greenlump himself was to witness the public executions of his crewmembers, one after another. So they weren’t meant to be killed in this ambush. Not getting captured was a way of prolonging their life in the prison and possibly making way for their eventual rescue. “We can’t save them if we die today, live to fight another day officer.” says the captain to me and we make our way towards the cove. It seemed like our escape would go unnoticed, but it so happened that one of our escaping crewmates crossed our path and his pursuers were quick to follow. I tried to warn the captain, but he was nowhere to be seen when I turned towards him. He had either hid or fled to save his own skin, I thought to myself. But I had no time for thoughts, as before we knew it, I and my two comrades were encircled by eight cutlass wielding humans, gnomes and dwarves. “Well Well, Well, We’ve found ourselves some scared green scum, didn’t we boys.’ says an oaf of a human. “Time of roughen them up.” I and my mates gathered ourselves back to back, ready to stab anyone who would come near us.
The mercenaries were mockingly walking towards us when we suddenly heard a sharp swooshing sound. Then, one of the soldiers cried out in pain as something hit him in his side. “What the…” shockingly gasped another mercenary, but his question was cut short by a small carved wooden object hitting him in the face.
The thing that incapacitated both of them was a small curved piece of wood, covered in rusty sharp nails and shards of metal that somehow went straight to gambeson, clothes, skin, and the sharp points rooted themselves deep in the flesh of its victims; leaving them paralyzed in pain or killing them altogether. The other poor sods against us tried to find out where these attacks were coming from, but these ingenious things called boomerangs have one thing about them that can confuse the uninitiated, if skilfully thrown, they can change their course midair. In their perplexion, the remaining soldiers made one huge misstep; they forgot about us. We quickly charged at them and rapidly started stabbing their kidneys to bits. When this was done, Captain Greenlump emerged from the shadows, his mighty cutlass at the hip and these wooden weapons at his side. “I’ve already lost enough comrades as it is. No more! Now stop standing here you lot, we have a rescue to plan.”
This loyalty to one’s subjects might not seem like much to some of you, but to us goblins, such a thing would make him a paragon of bravery and virtue (and strangeness and eccentricity). It was at this moment that I had an epiphany, this was a Captain I would follow into the depths of hells.

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